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Sharp Sam

'Twas the night before Christmas, (Christmas Songs)

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'Twas the night before Christmas, and  all through the west
Lawmen and Outlaws were taking a rest;
Watchers were all hibernating in their pods,
Even the Hex was in land of nod
 
The Natives were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of the great spirit danced in their heads;
And Wyatt in His Long Johns, and Doc in his cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
 
When out on the Veranda there arose such a clatter,
Doc sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window He flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
 
The moon on the breast of the new-blown sand
Gave the lustre of mid-day to the arizona land
When, what to Docs wondering eyes should appear,
But Doctor Carpathain with  reanimated  reindeer.
 
These terrible animals, so Mechanical and Strong,
Doc knew in a moment something was wrong
More Ugly as Vultures his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
 
"Now, Slasher! now, Smasher! now, Stamper and Viper!
On, Portent on Heartbreak on, Bomber and Biter!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now Smash away! Smash away! Smash away all!"
 
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, they threw it to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Weapons, and Carpathian too.
 
And then, in a Crescendo, Doc heard on the roof
The Stamping and pawing of each Mighty hoof.
As Doc drew his gun, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Carpathian came with a bound.
 

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with RJ and soot;
A bundle of guns he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a devil just opening his pack.
 
His eyes -- how they Glittered! his Grimace was scary!
His cheeks were pale, this is no festive fairy
His  mouth was drawn up in a rictus like grin
And the Mutton chops on his cheeks was as black as sin.
 
The stump of a cigar he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a devilish face and a Bionic Eye
That would glow bright red when someone was about to die
 
Fresh ammo for Wyatt, Bourbon for Doc
Even Jesse James got something in his sock
All these presents to give a cowpoke some hope
Although it may be a reach when he gave Ike Clanton Soap
 
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
Then kicking the door down into the night he goes
He didn’t give a fig if Wyatt and Doc Froze
 
He sprang to his sleigh, all shiny and bright
And they all took of as if their bum was alight!
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
WILD WEST-MAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-FIGHT!


 

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