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Flashpoint Amber Campaign!

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Greetings Admirals!  It is time to decide the fate of the Amber system.  The Flashpoint Amber Campaign is go!

 

Our first Mission is Operation Medusa and can be found at this link!

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B4ow-7X-DECAOTFUMWNZM254M0U

Edited 3/30/17 with version 2.0

 

 

After Playing the mission report the results to us!  We will be tracking results to generate the missions and track the story of the struggle in the Amber system.  You can report your game results at this link.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/SJCBRKD

 

You can view the results as they develop at this link.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/results/SM-3QDSQVRG

 

Good luck Admirals!

 

 

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Did anyone proofread this? Like, at all? It's littered with grammatical errors and misspellings. If this is indicative of the kind of output we can expect from Spartan then I am thoroughly concerned. At the very least, you guys need an editor for this kind of stuff. Looks more like something a 12 year old would put together for a school league than something with even slightly professional input. 

With all that said, the actual mission does look like fun once you get past the literary issues.

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Question for clarity- the binus objectives, are they only active for that given turn, or do they apply for that turn onward? I read it as for that turn only, but the turn 1 and 2 objectives seem like something that doesn't make sense to have constrained to a window of a single turn.

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While it is not well written (spelling, grammar, punctuation), I can only interpret these as per Turn Objectives for +1 Battlelog.

"Naritive bounuses: Players will have available to them, bonus missions to gain some extra battle log each round."

"Turn and Phrase"

As there are no "rounds" in FSA, replacing "round" with "Turn" should make it clear it is only for the listed Turns in the chart.

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On 3/25/2017 at 8:56 AM, Flamebeast said:

Did anyone proofread this? Like, at all? It's littered with grammatical errors and misspellings. If this is indicative of the kind of output we can expect from Spartan then I am thoroughly concerned. At the very least, you guys need an editor for this kind of stuff. Looks more like something a 12 year old would put together for a school league than something with even slightly professional input. 

With all that said, the actual mission does look like fun once you get past the literary issues.

Totally agree. Would you mind sending me a pm of the more major editing issues, if you have time?

On 3/25/2017 at 9:16 AM, Ade said:

FWIW my other half is a massive pedant and actively enjoys reading documents and fixing grammar and such.

If you ever do want a proof reader, she'd enjoy it. No charge obviously.

PM the edits if you have a moment.

On 3/25/2017 at 9:22 AM, Manu_S said:

It's not announced either Facebook or in the blog, so if you expect the campaign to progress and people  to play it would be a good idea to announce it.

with all the editing errors, i think we will fix it first. 

On 3/25/2017 at 0:01 PM, Xystophoroi said:

I'll check with reading warfare and see if they can slot this in as one mission so that tourney directly feeds into the story

this would be awesome! let me know if i can help in some way. 

On 3/25/2017 at 10:44 PM, Presidente said:

Will this impact on future firestorm lore.....because gw tried something similar and it was a huge mistake to allow players to have a direct impact on lore direction:)

It's more of a self contained story. There might be some references to it in future lore but overall the results just effect the next scenario. I don't write the fluff, I just make missions. 

 

On 3/26/2017 at 0:32 PM, Hive said:

Question for clarity- the binus objectives, are they only active for that given turn, or do they apply for that turn onward? I read it as for that turn only, but the turn 1 and 2 objectives seem like something that doesn't make sense to have constrained to a window of a single turn.

The way it was played at adepticon over the weekend, the players were only able to get the bonus on the turn listed not any other. Might be difficult to complete them but trying is half the fun. planning on rewording that for clarity tonight. 

On 3/26/2017 at 3:48 PM, alextroy said:

I also am a bit disappointed to see that no deployment rules are included with the scenario.  It should at least say, standard deployment rules are used.

that was simply an oversight thank you for pointing it out. standard deployment procedures are used. 

 

edits are happening right now. stay tuned for a quick update. thanks for being patient everyone. Please don't hesitate to play some games using the current version. Nothing should change regarding objectives. 

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2 minutes ago, dreadbeard said:

Totally agree. Would you mind sending me a pm of the more major editing issues, if you have time?

Well, this might take me all night. Will do though. Will also edit them into this post in the interest of openness, and for anyone to correct any mistakes I make.

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7 minutes ago, Flamebeast said:

Well, this might take me all night. Will do though. Will also edit them into this post in the interest of openness, and for anyone to correct any mistakes I make.

all night! you must have a dialup connection. in all seriousness thanks for the help!

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It's more that there are a lot of issues that need corrected, see below:
 

Page 1:

Flashpoint Amber needs to be capitalised.


Page 2:

About halfway down, "...May god have mercy on us all if I have to call you for help" - needs a capital on God, and a full stop at the end. The latter is a fairly common problem throughout - if you're ending a line of dialogue or a sentence, you need the punctuation in there.

Just below this - "prolific and judicious" are directly contradictory words, so the sentence makes no sense. I can see where he wants to go with it - clearly saying that they're using them to excess - but it's poorly executed.

"The NTSC Ixion had also Fired" - no capital required on fired.

"Grannivitchs great great grandfather had executed his ship's commanding officer" - I always forget which way round possessive apostrophes are supposed to go, but either use them or don't. Mixing and matching just looks sloppy. Also, "great-great-grandfather", not "great great grandfather" - needs the dashes.

"Sir! I have dozens of hostiles." followed by "What kind of Hostiles" - consistent capitalisation is your friend.

"Shields" has been misspelt as "sheilds".

"A malevolent grin", not "An malevolent grin".

 

Page 3:

"A week of unopposed Bombardment of Kavens world" - unnecessary capitalisation of "bombardment", and pretty sure that if the intent was to call the planet "Kavens World" as in "world belonging to Kaven", you need capitals on both.

"the feeling of satisfaction they has" - need to be "had".

"their best hunters were smashing targets attacking suddenly from amidst..." needs a comma between targets and attacking.

"...fought side by side with Xander for over 2 years, Was noticeably absent..." doesn't need a capital on Was.

"viss'ith mav'rakuul" needs to be capitalised - it's a name.

"point bravo" also a name, needs a capital. Also needs a full stop.

"They must have folded from the Schaumberg system it was the closest Kurak Fleet concentration" - missing full stop, needs a comma after system, for some reason there is a page break between Fleet and concentration.

"attack pattern omega" - capitals again.

"Full power to shields, Mr. Naysmith.... attack speed, Mr. Jones weapons free" - needs a comma after Mr. Jones, full stop at the end.

"There was a unanimous "aye sir" Xander turned to his communications officer" - unanimous is the wrong word (I'd say "There was a chorus of..." instead), and to answer in the affirmative in naval terms you say "aye aye". "aye" is how you acknowledge that you're being spoken to, e.g. "Mr. Jones", "aye sir?", "Attack speed", "aye aye sir". Full stop at the end again.

"Signal Jaeger Miss. Piper" - needs a comma after Jaegar, "Miss" isn't an abbreviation so lose the full stop there.

Page 4:

"Naritive" - should be "Narrative"

"Players will gave available to them, bonus missions..." - rephrase this whole sentence, would read better as "Players will have bonus missions available to them to gain some extra battle log each round."

"Turn 3 "look at me..." - capitalise "Look" so this matches up with the others. Also applies to "Turn 5 "[insert faction]..."

Page 5:

"had managed to power up Daedalus Station operational..." - lose operational, I assume that's a relic from a previous rephrasing.

"can reinforce the amber system and the daedalus station" - Amber and Daedalus need to be capitalised.

"Kurak must take the transmitters at the end of the game" - should be "hold the transmitters at the end of the game", otherwise the implication is that either you have to do it in the last turn, or taking the stations will end the game (obviously page 6 defines the end of the game, but eliminating confusion is a good thing).

"considered controlled if a Capital ship squadron is wholly within by peg, 6 inches" - rephrase to "considered controlled if all Lead models in a Capital ship squadron are within 6 inches of the beacon, measuring from the peg (if a ship has more than one peg, measure from the closest)"

"Infamous" doesn't need a capital, "Kurak Alliance" does.

I'd say "rests in your hands" rather than "lays", just reads better.

Page 6:

"spartan games community" needs capitals, and so does "flashpoint amber".

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Damn, just noticed a couple other things - my bad, should have pointed them out yesterday (though that said, I'm surprised that none of this got picked up by spellcheck, depending on the word processor being used):

Page 2 -

"sat in his command chair hands steepled, his impatiens evident...", needs a comma after "chair", and impatience isn't spelt that way.

Also, the following is still on Page 3 -

"Kavens world" still needs a capital on World as it appears to be being used as a name.

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